


Desperation

by Mabis



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-10-02 18:34:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17268917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mabis/pseuds/Mabis
Summary: Roy rolled his eyes. “It’s not sex alchemy, it’s medical alchemy.”





	Desperation

Maes could only stare at Roy. Stuff like this is why he stayed far away from all that freak show nonsense. “What you are proposing is sex alchemy.”

Roy rolled his eyes. “It’s not sex alchemy, it’s medical alchemy.”

“Medical alchemy performed while the alchemist sticks his dick up my ass, so yes, that would be what I call sex alchemy.”

Roy simply shrugged and somehow managed to look even more bored. “Hey, you’re the one who’s having problems making a baby. If you don’t like my idea that’s fine with me.”

“I still say you’re bullshiting me.”

“Look, if I wanted to get in your pants, don’t you think I would’ve tried before you got married? 

“What if you only recently wanted to get in my pants? Like me getting married triggered some weird jealousy thing?”

Roy let out an exasperated sigh. “Then I’d get you absolutely plastered and have my way with you. It sure in hell would be a whole lot easier than studying organic chemistry and biology and a dozen other subjects for weeks trying to figure out how to strengthen sperm.”

Maes frowned. Roy had a point there. He knew his best friend had just spent the last month in the Central Library researching who the hell knows what. Plus, he liked to think he knew Roy well enough to see through whatever bullshit lies Roy liked to surround himself with. Although Maes had to admit he was getting really, really good with all that bullshit.  
Finally he let out a sigh. Even if all this was just a ploy, having sex with Roy wasn’t the worst of it. It was the cheating on Gracia part that he hated. “Fine, let’s just do it now and get it over with.” He carefully watched Roy’s reaction to see if he could pick out any kind of tell, but all he got was more of the same bored indifference. Nothing to indicate that this was anything more than a so-called medical procedure. Maes could only shake his head as he took off his jacket. Damn it, alchemy really was some weird shit.

 

It wasn’t until a year later that Roy ran into the phrase “sex alchemy” again. It was while reviewing Fullmetal’s colorful report about the disappearance of several women, which he then found and rescued, and then naturally captured the perpetrator.

“You actually heard the guy use the phrase ‘sex alchemy’ to try and lure women into his house?” Roy asked as he looked up from the report and frowned.

Ed looked rather annoyed about the whole thing. “Yeah, lying bastard was trying to impress them with that crap. What kind of moron would believe sex has anything to do with alchemy?”

Roy simply went back to scanning the report. To this day he had no idea if he actually managed to convince Maes Hughes of all people that sex alchemy was an actual thing, or if Maes was merely indulging his sad-sack depressed and lonely best friend. Either way, Roy had no intention of ever finding out.


End file.
